I have lived in this town several times in my life. The first time my family moved here, I was only 16. I had a whole year of high school here and made quite a few friends that I am still close to. At least a handful of friends fit into this category. I love them dearly along with their spouses, kids and parents. We go through phases where we see each other quite often and talk on the phone. Then we'll go through phases where we don't communicate very much for a few weeks or months. I have already put in the time and effort with my old friends so we can pick up right where we left off. It is comfortable and we know each other's history. I love sharing life with them. I love knowing where they came from and seeing the progress and how well they handle the trials in life. When we talk, they know that I am not that strange or only what I am right now. They can see phases in life or why I am the way I am.
I also have other friends that I made during that time period that I am not really close with (mostly old church friends), but that I am thrilled to run into around town. It is fun to catch up and even share an occasional activity. Both types of these long term friends hold a special place in my heart and I feel like I am good at being their friend.
On the other hand, we've lived here (this time) for the past 3 1/2 years and I've made quite a few new friends. I think they are wonderful and I like them a lot, but I just don't feel like I am able to be a good friend to them. At first, I wondered if it is because I feel so deeply for my old friends that it is strange to like the new ones. It actually took a while for me to realize that some of the new people I spend time with are actually "friends." Now that I see that, I understand that relationships just take work.
Sadly, I am stretched too thin as it is. In order to develop a friendship, it takes time and effort. The new friends want to talk more and hang out several times a week. I feel like I am being a little rude because I am just too busy. Whenever we talk on a deeper level, it turns into a whole long conversation explaining the back story. I don't mind sharing or listening, but it really isn't as easy as it is with my old friends. Many of them are fairly new to this area and they are wanting to find people to do things with. That is also difficult for me because I don't have money for extra things like going to lunch. I also work full time and many of them are stay-at-home moms.
I feel very fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life. I just hope that I am not failing them or making them feel like I don't care.
