People often say to me, "it must be so difficult being a single mom" or something close to that. I usually say that it is a lot easier than being married was. Of course, I feel like my divorce was about kicking the frat boy out of the house. To be fair, he did contribute financially and helped around the house. He was great at organizing and cleaning the garage. In fact, he has done it a hand-full of times in the last few years. He just loves doing it and he doesn't have a garage of his own.
Like most women, I did most of the housework, child care, shopping, and errands. None of that changed because of the divorce, which by the way was 5 years ago (can you believe it?). There has been a few downsides though, including:
Like most women, I did most of the housework, child care, shopping, and errands. None of that changed because of the divorce, which by the way was 5 years ago (can you believe it?). There has been a few downsides though, including:
1. I guess the biggest impact has been financial. I'm not getting a lot of child support. I chose to have the amount lowered because I knew he would struggle. He tends to go through at least a couple of weeks of unemployment every year, so I don't always get it either. At least, he has good intentions.
2.The second biggest impact has been house repair things. He is a fairly handy person and he knew a lot of people who can do some of the things he couldn't. I never had to worry about those issues. My house is only 8 years old, but little things tend to need repairs like the faucet on my kitchen sink or cheap light fixtures that had to be replaced. My ex still helps me with some things, but sometimes I have to wait months until he gets around to it. I have a home warranty so appliances and my a/c are covered. My step-father and mom come for a month in the winter so they help with a few things. When my brother visited, he also did quite a bit.
3. The third thing I have noticed is the problems that come up that are a bit overwhelming. It would be nice to share the impact with someone else. Like last December, the transmission on my car was breaking down. I had just paid off the car and was excited to keep it another 5 years. Sadly, I didn't have $5k to fix it. Those kinds of problems remind me that I am all alone in this, which isn't fun.
It isn't all bad though. The last few weeks, I have heard quite a few comments that has me thinking that there are a lot of controlling spouses out there. One friend said, "My husband would never let me buy that." It was only a $30 item and they are not struggling at all. A friend of a friend said, "My husband keeps the thermostat in our house at 78 degrees so I am used to being hot." Both times I managed to politely smile while biting my tongue. Another friend told me about her sister-in-law that seems like a nightmare of a wife. Marriage is tough.
Fortunately, I am an extremely independent person. I think that makes being a single mom much easier. I like making all the decisions on my own. I can compromise, but isn't it nice when you don't have to? All the money, even though there isn't much, can be spent on things that I think are important. Activities and vacations are all decided by me. I don't have to watch a movie, tv show, sporting event, or even do something that doesn't seem worth it to me. Most of what I do revolves around the kids, but that is what I choose. I have realized that this is the perfect time to appreciate my independence. So what if I haven't been on a date in years? I can't afford a babysitter anyway. ☺